Full Moon!!!

I guess I was in Love all along, just that I didn’t realize it!

The first time i saw her, I was in LOVE with her hair and as time passed I started loving her eyes, her smile, her talk and her touch too (though it was just a hand shake)
Then we started “chatting”, more like testing the waters, coz I never was keen on a relationship.. then she okayed a date, which I thought she wouldn’t
..and the dates were on, i held her hand one day (took quite an effort though ) then it went on.. pretty much a regular happening..

Then I told her that I missed her (which i really meant s she was outta town!) and the time I told her that I love her was the result of me being myself – late, careless, insensitive, etc., am trying to change myself ,to some extent n keep her happy, with great difficulty (believe me, its difficult)

I always thought of writing about US, but cud never, coz i cud never.. now that I am writing, thats definitely a change (though small)..

well…

One Day I realized that She too Loves me! (god (n she) knows why)
Sometimes you don’t realize, but you are in love! and I do love her and am happy that I realized it..!

P.S. Hope she like this, when she reads it…

P.P.S. To be n will be continued

Shadows…

“Why?” the stone cold voice asked, anger seething dangerously on the edge of insanity
“KILL” they shouted in unison
The place is crowded by ravenous blackness, pretty much closing in on all sides, claustrophobic..
“Life is a dream it never ends” a whisper floats, like mist on the tombs of a graveyard
The eyes of the voice loom over the wasted faces, pulling strings, weaving lives, destroying, creating, burning, killing..

“It’s just one big intrinsic apparatus”, the voice ponders “what if I just leave it or better..”
“KILLLL” the shouts are now screams, like hundreds of snakes shedding skins
“..destroy it”
“How many times should i do this?”
“As long as you live and as long as you feel, and as long as there is night & day.. and as long and as many times as we ask you to” rasps a voice..

It all started on a Monday morning, the doctor says “it’s done” a life is once again not lost. Years pass by, until another fine Monday when a mind got lost along with it the memories.. and yet another Monday, someone is murdered, “IT IS DONE” the voice says.
The Church, The River, The Christmas Tree, The Sea, The Street, The Cycle, The Hill, The Crowd
“How many times have you done this?” the judge asks
“I don’t remember”
“Are you trying to be mentally un-stable?”
“No”
“Doesn’t help coz you are not”
“I know”
“You have no sense of conscience, no feelings, no regrets and not fit for society”
“Who are you to decide that?” the cold voice asks
“You are a bane to humanity”
“Who gives you the right to decide someone’s fate?”
“You are hereby sentenced to the chair”

…
The last strap is clipped.
………..”Kill”, “Kill”, “Kill”, “Kill”, “Kill”
“Do you have any last words?”
“Hahahaha” its a frozen smile that asks “Does any one have any?”
The Smile, The Touch, The Kiss, The Hand, The Knife, The Blood, The Skin

“This time its not dead, and it can never be”, the voice announces.
The screams don’t stop and they go on forever…
..and so does the voice….

Past……Present……n Future….

200 odd Days!!! (or is it even?) Man, that’s the no: of days since I last wrote here…. Well, well, well, I have thought several times to write something, but was caught in the wheel of life.. (that’s kinda inspired by the “Wheel of Time” series that am currently reading- HARDCORE READ I SAY!!!!)

Nothing “much” changed in the last few months.. started off with an office set-up, running for money, more of running for stability yeah yeah..! so, was pushed by few close ppl to write something, actually 2.. one the guy who is behind me blogging at all and two the gal on whom I gotta write here someday…

Hmm… so wat to write about eh? Music has been a very good companion all this while… btw am right now checkin out some pretty cool doom $h!+ “Reverend Bizarre” first time I heard of them was like atleast 5 years back… well now am actually listening to them… all these metallers i see are pretty much inspired by books, that too the epic ones like Lord of the Rings primarily and even The Dark Tower Series… am sure someone will catch on to Wheel of Time, if not yet..

Btfw… even now I don’t have time to write this, the next line will be tomorrow…I guess!! (26th Nov, 2010)

Today’s 30th Dec, 2010 – A month and odd days, that’s when I got this free time to continue, if I may call it that… that too amidst a lil rush!

Time is something that runs & slips away, and more at it, when u try to catch up with it.. u get so stuck with setting up things, catching up with time, trying to make money, managing relationships, etc., etc., that you end up in a rut.. and become a frigging slave to the system… losing freedom.. and you don’t even realize it… was kinda listening to a song by Linkin Park- “Wrethches & Kings” its got an excerpt that goes –

“There’s a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious—makes you so sick at heart—that you can’t take part. You can’t even passively take part. And you’ve got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus and you’ve got to make it stop. And you’ve got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it that unless you’re free, the machine will be prevented from working at all.” – Pretty much heavy duty free speech eh..?

Well, I gotta keep it short coz I gotta jump to office… the thing is that I think am at a point of time where lotta things are happening, and I guess the future holds something big.. probably success, a lil financial stability & marriage for sure 2011 here I come…

Till next time.. god knows when that’s gonna be…!

Daybreak…

He suddenly wakes up from his dream. The dream’s slowly fading away, he wants to desperately remember it.. but it is faint, and is tethered onto his mind’s eye.. rapidly and surely disappearing.. as reality goes knock, knock surging him onto a two-way blurring veil between the real and the surreal. He prefers to forget it and whoosh gone it is, with the wind. Did he drink last night? He ponders as he gets up his bed….

“Hey” says Bobby. They weren’t the best of buddies, but do get along well.
“Man, let’s have a cuppa tea”, says Venkat.
“Screw you, I need some beer”
“Screw you back #@$%… I need beer with whisky, in a real good mood today y’know.. round up our guys and let’s do it”
“Hahaha, that’s more like it!”

The day has been a blur and its almost midnight. And what a day- a fight had ensued between the landlord and him, he beat the daylights out of bobby and threw him outta the house, his (to be) girlfriend okayed a date and his best friend smoked his first cigarette.

And he remembers almost everything and goes to bed…
…….
…….
He suddenly wakes up from his dream….

“Hey” says Bobby. They weren’t the best of buddies, but do get along well.

Life is Beautiful!

Now it’s been one heck of a long break since I penned any thoughts! Well, was pretty stuck up with life, running, walking (literally), and catching up with things, still at it, *phew!! One fine day(s) you realize that TIME (reminds me of Anthrax’s – Persistence of Time ) has gone behind you – missing out on all the good things like .. you know.., etc., etc.,

Man, is life good, heck yeah it is… all the $#!t that happens is all part of it… things keep happening, guess we should not let those bog us down! The other day I was catching up with some of my very old friends (we been through some pretty interesting stuff I should say) and we realized that we have come a long way—some 13 years or so.. talking of the good old days (now we ARE F#@$in old ), of all the fights, deaths, breakups, marriages, craziness, and what not.. most of us did end up surviving successfully hahahahaha.. bloody nice!

One thing I kind of realized over the time is that, all bad things come to an end (as against “all good things come to an end”) well may be a little late.  But they do come to end, and the good stuff are forever..! good stuff like your dreams, aspirations, hope, confidence, soul, creativity, mind (even if you go crazy ), imagination, etc., they just stay with you and no one can take them away except ourselves! The so called “bad” stuff are no match, they come and go! May be pain is an exception, screw it

Otherwise, life is going on ppl, been reading quite some books, catching up some old music (Cynic, Voivod to name a couple) doing some IT consulting stuff (on the verge of something exciting there), full fledged push for DogmaTone Records and yeah as usual partying (that’s something that bloody never gives up on me even if I do)

Enjoy!!!!!!!

Plain & Simple

We sometimes forget how plain and simple things are, and end up just complicating them. Well, there are several reasons behind that- primarily being our own “self”, the ego, beliefs, the people around, experiences, etc., etc., and we end up just complicating things further n further. Not able to fathom that we are conspiring against ourselves.

Life is just so passé that everyone thinks that it is their own and everyday something new is cropping, whereas the irony is that we just ride along about the paths already trodden and which are so barren that anything new is just not acceptable. Forget acceptable it’s just plain dead.

And sometimes, things change (that’s what we think) and we are screwed headlong and end up trying to balance n to come in terms with these changes. That’s too pathetically funny and hilarious to say the least. See the way I am writing this $h!t, titled “Plain & Simple” in such a complicated manner- just shows how many nails are there in the proverbial, damned, left-to-rot coffin.

We can just go about living life the way it’s supposed to be lived. Yeah! goin with the flow believing in what we do, the decisions we make, without any regrets, forgiving n forgetting, enjoying, being happy & sometimes losing ourselves. Nothing bad in that eh? You are anyways goin to die in the end and most probably end up in hell for all you know or whoever the hell (irony!irony!everywhere) decides that.

Life IS an Oxymoron!

Don’t YOU think so? Hell, looks like my topics to write come up only through conversations, as is this one…!

Yeah, I do believe that Life is just another oxymoron- its good & bad, twisted & smooth, bitter & sweet, soft & hard, sad & happy etc., etc.,  one thing’s for sure though (considering my regular conclusion) – we are all morons!

Well, was listening to the band Children of Bodom and was talking to a friend when this topic came up.. and yeah, COB! after a long time listening to them was one good feeling. The band’s name by the way is inspired by a river named – “Bodom” where some children died under mysterious circumstances- and well these guys pretty unabashedly fronted by Mr. Alexi- do create a very tight aura of blasting guitars, bloody blackened and commercial at that. “Angels Don’t Kill” – listen to it! Just because I was listening to it when I am typing this !haha”hail metal forever”haha!

So, if life’s an oxymoron- what’s death? No clue..! mebbe something more simple than life eh? Anyways.. it’s good that this ‘oxymoron’ is quite funny most of the times, depends on how one looks at it though.. as an oxymoron, is something to be laughed at or is something a little non-straightforward.. so is life- so we should just let it be and not fret much about it… I Think!

Now Go Listen To Some Metal!

Rapture in Chains

Overjoyed, they fly & soar, slowly disappearing into the dark light…

Leaving when heaving, going away, walking away…

There’s no way to stop them… Free at last…?

 

Somebody stop it…. them..?

Lying rusted, under the violet moon… or is it the violent moon?

“Raise your hands, and your glasses too, we will dance the whole night through…”

Why? Who are you?

Can you hear the music? Can you bear the music?

Everything ends, burns, vanishes, falls…

 

“…we both know what memories bring! They bring diamonds and rust.”

You can’t but look away… and neither can you look in…

See them start a riot, spinning into a tornado. RIOTING!!

Unbeknownst… slowly we rot

Blessed, Yes! Blessed are the SICKK!!

 

Oh Ye, Death where the fuck is your sting… eh?

Meaningless Movements! Sucking into the void of silence…

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? There is a dark tunnel for sure.

 

Fly away! Scarred, Beaten, Pierced, Blistered

Barren, Scared and Ignorant

Rest, Rest, Rest, Rest, Rest, Rest, Rest

REST IN PIECE!!!!

Addicted To The AdHoc?

Hmn ya ya ya.. am in one twisted and cool condition these days…!!! God bless the whole damned world! Reminds me of the 2012 movie trailer… “No Matter What Your Religion Is, No Matter What You Believe In, In The End Everyone Has To Come Together”.. something like that… looks like its gonna be a pretty entertaining disaster movie clocking at 158 minutes…  n releasing at an apt date of 13 Nov, basically the time of my birthday- as the tradition goes – Booze, New Movie and Dinner \\m//

Now coming to the topic aforementioned, which again is the conspired result of a discussion by two overlords of literature- for betterment of the global literary consortium of individuals affected by writer’s block.. (that’s what happens when unblocked!)- well, i have this tendency of opting for the unexpected, impromptu, adhoc, unplanned, etc., etc., donno why, but just probably that it gives me the kicks i guess..

Talking about things unplanned… couldn’t resist the excerpt below from The Dark Knight

The Joker: I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself. Look what I did to this city with a few drums of gas and a couple of bullets. Hmmm? You know… You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! ………
The Joker: Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I’m an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It’s fair!

Yes, almost all of my decisions have been unplanned, or rather it just so happened I didn’t go according to the plan.. things might have been different or otherwise, decisions would have been either right or wrong.. only thing is that I don’t have any regrets!

Anyways, whatever we plan there is no surety that it will work out, there’s always the uncertainity of everything getting screwed up ALWAYS.. just that we have to be lucky sometime.. basically everything F&%$*#@ depends on fate i guess..  so why plan, expect, at all eh? things gonna happen anyways!

All hail!

Angry Again!!

Anger!! Aaaah!!

“Enraged my mind starts to smoke, Enforce a mental overload, Angry again, angry again, angry”- Dave Mustaine; Its always nice to think of this feeling, characteristic, or whatever of a downer or a high it is… We do get angry sometimes, angry at someone, angry with ourselves, angry with the circumstances, angry with life, angry at people, and even angry at everything… its not always controllable and should say is one mind twister, come to think of it.

Just wanted to pen down some anger statements, that I would have felt or would have come up with, so here goes…

I am so angry –

I can fight the devil himself

I want to see everything and everybody burn

I wanna kill and be killed

I wanna break something

…rather break someone’s bones, pull the bone out, and shove it through that someone’s throat!!

I can cry, wail, howl and scream

I can just forget everything

That everything is blurred and inexistent

There is nothing I can do, see, feel, touch and hear

Hahahahahaha, that was relieving!! The thing about anger is that you don’t realize its downside until you lose control over it and commit a mistake, like hurting someone… well, it does help sometimes to be angry- to get things done… and yeah always is good to vent out one’s anger in some way or the other rather than penting it up inside. It does bring the twisted, screwed up, evil, devil and all that bull$#!* outside.

As Mr. Jerry Cantrell echoes – “Anger rising up inside him yet again…Devil rising up inside him yet again”